12/18

I don't know what was up.  I shattered my hip in March, and it was repaired but I could barely walk until August.  I don't understand why I had to live like that.  I dealt mostly and it kept me put-all I did was work on music-I sit in front of a computer with all my gear within arm's reach.  I've been prolific.  How many albums did I make while I 'healed'? Just call me I'll make YOU an album in a week. Is my work shit? You be the judge.  I try.  I try very hard to make music that's unique yet accessible. That borrows from many genres and challenges conceptions of what is dance music.  I don't know if I'm successful. You be the judge.  The doctors replaced my hip in August, and I'm not crippled anymore.  I'm still retarded.   I can't tell you how I feel. Mostly relief, but just a sense my faith served me, and things are as they are supposed to be. I don't have a car.  Isolation is a challenge and damned if it's just stupid not being able to, oh, I don't know, go pick up an escort for some conversation.  I do have a girlfriend but that's awfully complicated.  Suffice to say we are working on getting her asylum because she fled her country...She is in New York, and I visit her every month.  I wrote a song about her, and it is my number one song on Soundcloud.   

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6/26
It's been a bad year.  At the outset, I elected to have a partial amputation of my left foot.  For years I had been suffering deep callouses that developed wounds and infections that needed constant care.  After 5 years of this suffering, I decided enough was enough.  After a discussion with my podiatrist, it was decided a trans-metatarsal amputation would excise the portion of the foot suffering callouses and wounds.  The surgery went well and I was to stay in an assisted living facility for a couple months.  During my stay, I fell into a suicidal depression but was reminded of a higher presence and found the strength to go on, even if it meant learning to walk again.  Once healed, I left the facility only to get into a car wreck that shattered the joint where my femur met my pelvis.  I laid in a  hospital bed with...oh I cracked 7 ribs too...my companion pain and waited for surgery.  They fixed me up good, but my flexor was badly torn and even though my pelvis was healing, I could hardly walk. Each step brought stabbing agony.  I spent another 3 months at a different assisted living facility.  Something had changed in me since my breakdown at the last facility.  I was not sad to be in pain, to worry if I would continue life as a gimp.  I was at peace, even enjoying myself as I rolled around the facility in my wheelchair, purchasing Zingers and Strawberry Crush from the vending machines.  I had my laptop and took advantage of the free time there to write the  first song off my new album, 'Cowboy'. I left in ok condition.  Well enough to hobble around my apartment but essentially trapped in it.  So, it takes me about 12 hours to write a song.  I spent the next many many hours hacking out an album that kind of summarized my feelings up to that point.  Its out now on Soundcloud and soon on Spotify, Apple Music, Tidal, etc.  Shout out to Cali Larue who co-wrote some of the songs...I don't care what you get out of this.  I just hope no matter what, you don't give up, because life is worth suffering.​